Bummer Riley's team still lost to Green Bay and the air was colder than Scott Walker's heart. But at least I got to take pictures, freeze my bum off, and eat japanese pan noodles afterwards and junk.
Brother-man got to play at the Metrodome in MN. Now he meanders around Miller Park too.
Listening to: |> Wu-Tang (Jay Da Flex & Yoof Remix) - Deep Space
I know I had claimed that I'd write about my accident in my last photoblog entry, but why be so serious on a day when all you have on the mind are sweets, family, and amazing brunch food? Tomfoolery aside, it would have probably taken me this long to get my wits about me anyway.
To be clear, this entry/message from me is not meant to make people feel any amount of pity for me, nor is it a plea for attention, recognition, to preach, or a way for me to clear my name. It's, simply put, an informative example for people in which a split decision can either ruin your life and the lives of your family and close friends, or, it can take you to an inexplicable edge. An edge where you can be lucky enough to see yourself magnified through your own eyes and your own mind without having being pushed over.
All vagueness aside, at the very end of March I'd apparently made the decision to get into my car around 7:30-8:00am and drive about twenty miles to my hometown after being awake all night at a party the night before. The reason why I say "apparently" is because I have no recollection of the night this happened nor the next three days after due to the concussion I'd suffered.
Anything I say about what happened next, I don't recollect at all. I had to be told that it had happened as such. So, after I'd made this decision to drive, E.M.T.s say I fell asleep at the wheel and proceeded to lose control of my vehicle, veering off of the road and hitting a parked truck on my driver's side. From there the people in their home and their neighbors proceeded to call 911 as I was unconscious and Middleton Fire and Waunakee E.M.S. responded and extricated me from my car and took me to the E.R.
It took the life-saving quickness of that family, their neighbors, the E.M.T.s, and Fire Crew to get me to the hospital, but from there the UW Hospital doctors and nurses took on the next half of the life-saving and the tedious task of informing my family about where I was and that I was unresponsive and had just been in a car crash. From there I spent the next four days in the Trauma Unit and was constantly tested to make sure I'd come out alive and functional. This, was easily the four hardest and most agonizing days of my parent's lives.
During these days my close friends and family came to visit and after I'd awoke, the double checking and triple checking of my motor skills and memory ensued.
I'm happy to announce I feel close to 90% better. But the overwhelming guilt of the damage, premature grief, humiliation, and worry I put people through is insurmountable and I can't find the words to tell people how sorry I am.
Now I say "humiliation" because that's exactly what was acquired. Because I was at a party the night before and consumed alcohol and hours later, made the decision to drive, my PAC was found just barely over the legal limit. And now my family is thought of as the family with the "Martinez girl who drinks and apparently drives" regardless of the main factors regarding the reason for the crash. I can piss and moan about that legality all I want to, but when it comes down to it, for whatever reason, I chose to get inside my car while tired and drive knowing there's always the possibility of being pulled over. Even though a considerable amount of time had passed since I drank from my cup, it didn't and it DOESN'T matter.
My parents are easily the type to live, breathe, and make decisions to better the lives of their own children in EVERY. SINGLE. decision they make. And for me to make a decision like the one I made is irrevocably unforgivable and ungrateful towards them, myself, and towards other people who've had their loved ones taken from them. The fact that no one was with me, in front of me, or involved in the initial crash makes me feel an overwhelming sense of relief and an extreme level of gratefulness towards the whole situation.
After this whole experience, I'm having trouble remembering who I was and why I'd made some of the decisions I'd made throughout my life even though I was "human."
So now, I'm looking forward to being a student again. And I'm looking forward to living a lot more authentically now that I have another chance. I can already tell that a lot of my words and actions have a little more "effort" behind them.
Even though we tell ourselves we are human, we know how to find ourselves hypocrites in every sense of the word but we still somehow make these poor decisions with our own unrelenting selfish sway.
Thank you (more than you know) for taking the time,
He is seen here, pictured with the icy-eyed minx that is Lauren.
Obviously it's been more than a while since I've posted anything in my photoblog and I hereby solemnly vow that I shall keep up with it from now on. A lot has happened since my most previous display of timeliness and I promise I will mention why in my next post. But for now...
...I scrounged up this old snap of a shutter I took a couple of years ago because I've missed the man-pictured-to-the-left's latest fashion show and the company of some magnificently creative and nontraditionally humorous people.
Kurtalish Edward Anderson just previously put his senior line (UN-DEAD) on display at UW Stout winning Best In Show along with one of his models (pictured to the right) winning Best Model.
How upset am I that I missed this? Insurmountable.
How proud am I of my childhood best friend and his accomplishments? I don't have those words.
